this further solidifies my thoughts on yoga

This guy and I have a lot in common... When it comes to Yoga.

However, I am not a quitter!










{found on craigslist}

Yoga mat for sale. Used once

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Date: 2011-09-17, 8:41PM PDT

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Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows:

11:45a
Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.

11:55a
Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.

11:57a
I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.

11:58a
The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.

11:59a
Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don't exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us.

12:00p
Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed.

12:02p
Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class.

12:10p
It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other's body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don't worry, I'll mention them later.)

12:26p
It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond.

12:33p
It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I'm in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, "for better or worse" is what we committed to so we press on.

12:40p
The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him.

12:44p
I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.

12:52p
It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see.

12:55p
This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok?

1:01p
140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don't get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!

1:09p
150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed.
I lose consciousness.

1:15p
I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can't really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out.

1:17p
I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok?

1:20p
It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something?

1:30p
Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and 'cool down' in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up.

1:34p
My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level - probably by 15 degrees. So let's conservatively say it's 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door.

1:37p
The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day's turmoil and mental scaring.

1:47p
Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein -- effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir.

3:47p
Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the "shakes" consume my body.

4:29p
Note to self - check car for missing wet yoga towel in am.



Quitter.

Original link here

inspired change

another goodie by Jobs:

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle.”

30 by 30

I actually remember reading this in Glamour Magazine many years ago, which not only ages me, but makes me question how on earth I can remember an entire post that had nothing to do with me at the time, yet I can not remember more than 3 of my teachers names growing up (apparently I set my priorities a long time ago).

Anywho, I was refreshed on this list by a blog I follow, mythirtyspot.com and I wanted to share…


By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about having kids.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8. How to take control of your own birthday.
9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30.


Actually makes me believe, for a moment, that I am excited to be a well aged 30 year old instead of a fun 22 year old immune to hangovers with minimal worries. =)

let me introduce to you Larry & Cowbell

How could you not want to come get candy from a house with these sassy jack o' lanterns??

31 days 31 nights

I DID IT I DID IT!!! Happy November 1st everyone!!

I am officially a non-vegan as of Midnight last night… Unfortunately for me, I was asleep at midnight or else I would have been indulging in the Halloween candy left over from the kids that’s never showed up to our house. Maybe rumor circulated that Jamie and I went as an ‘Amber Alert’ last Halloween and apparently that is offensive to most people (where's the humor people!). Either way we were thoroughly disappointed that our first Halloween as real live adults was a total bust(Jamie took it pretty hard (poor guy)). Which is weird that I even care because I was all against handing out candy to begin with, there is just something about giving strange children, that I don’t know food from my house. Actually, if anything they should think its weird that I, someone they don’t know, is trying to hand them things to eat from my house. I guess if I had children of my own this wouldn’t be so weird to me, or maybe I have just watched To Catch a Predator (I threw the "I give free hugs" sign in the trash, probably a good thing) too many times and being around other people’s kids weirds me out.

Anywho, now I get to watch my ass get fat eating the abundance of left over candy.

In other news, I got my wedding dress!!! Vera Wang it is =)

In more other news, please enjoy this clip of my lovely bagpiping father!


Alright, now LETS EAT!!



My dad's a Bagpipin' Rock Star, whats your dad?

free

These are the things my rockin body (rockin as in humpty dumpty not as in Cameron Diaz) has been free of for the past 26 days…

Free of Caffeine
Free of Meat
Free of Milk
Free of Cheese
Free of Animal Bi-Products of any sort
Free of Facebook
Free of Twitter
Free of Alcohol at least 4-5 days a week (sorry, a girl has limits)


These are the changes I have noticed:

• I have not gained or lost weight, I stayed exactly the same weight for the last month, which is unlike me. Usually I gain and lose around 10lbs every few weeks (I know, that cant be healthy)
• I feel much cleaner overall; as much as I crave all the great foods I have been deprived of, when I think about actually eating them I get a little queasy
• I AM STARVING
• I eat on average 5-6 times a day as a non-vegan, on this diet I catch myself hungry ALL the time, eating on average 6-8 times a day (I know, that cant be healthy)
• I have found a new love/hate relationship with beans… I will spare you the details.
• Surprising being caffeine free, I have had more energy the past month than when I was sucking down my usual 2 Starbucks a day.
• I AM STARVING
• I am so excited to eat a good meaty meal; I have already made reservations at a nice restaurant for the first weekend in November (true story, I.can.not.wait)
• I didn’t get sick as a vegan; maybe I learned my lesson as a vegetarian and remembered to take all of my vitamins but being a vegan had only positive effects on me whereas being a vegetarian for 147 days last year landed me in the hospital on several occasions.
• With that said, being vegan is NOTHING like being vegetarian. I can give up meat (with a gun to my head) but cheese was the real torture
• Which leads me to the realization of exactly how much I love cheese
• Which also leads me to believe that I am lactose intolerant again (yes again, I was as a child) but I just don’t know if I can give up dairy for good… As a matter of fact I know for sure I couldn’t give up dairy for good. Looks like I will be investing in some Lactaid
• Soy milk is way better than regular milk
• STILL STARVING
• I have never wanted the weeks/days/weekends to go by so fast in my life; I can not wait to be off this diet
• With that said, I will still incorporate a lot of the vegan diet habits into my regular diet on a daily basis, again, I can’t express enough how I have never felt so “clean” on any other diet/regimen
• Over processed food sucks
• We spent over double our weekly grocery budget as Vegans, so if you are considering going Vegan for good, I’d consider being rich too
• I am envy free since I have been off the Face; it’s been nice not knowing what every single person is doing at every single second of the day
• On the other hand, I have missed keeping in touch with my friends
• I did not miss Twitter once
• I have budgeted and re-budgeted my checking account like a million times, yeah , THAT was my Facebook substitute, how sad and how incredibly boring
• Which lead me to realize that I definitely do not utilize the World Wide Web to its full capacity
• Also, that I have almost no use for my phone other than to text when I am off all social media


Well, that about wraps up my Veganism-isums! (exciting stuff I know)

Next October I plan on a month of indulgence, this “will power” stuff is for the weak and feeble. I have proved strong and powerful through all of this(wanting to quit every single day is considered strong and powerful, right?).

a great man once said...

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”


— Steve Jobs, 2005

yet another reason why we shouldnt be allowed to have babies yet

On Fri, Oct 21, 2011 at 9:09 AM, Koay, Rai wrote:

Good Morning Time!

I've been thinking...

In the next year you are going to have to get a job with crazy good benefits, seriously. If you ever want babies, that’s what you'll have to do, b/c Lord knows I will be in the hospital every other day. It doesn’t have to be forever just until the baby is like 1 or 2 and we don’t have to ever take it to the doctor again (right?).



From: Jamie V.
Sent: Friday, October 21, 2011 9:31 AM
To: Koay, Rai
Subject: Re: Good Morn Fair Maiden


Dont worry, I will have a very nice benefits when it's time to start pumpin out the little rugrats. I was thinking this morning on the drive in to work that we can use our baby as a prop in movies and skits. I've already thought of a couple it's gonna be awesome. I'll give you a preview:

Skit one: Baby Genius

Plot: We teach our baby how to do complex things like math equations and physics and sh!t. We go through a montage of us teaching him/her really hard stuff. After all this we then ask him/her a question and all he/she does is poop and giggle and fall over. THEN we show an infomericial for our "Baby Genius" program. Where we go through all the teaching an stuff, but in the parts where we ask him/her questions we are blatantly putting the babies hands on the right answers (making it look like the program works).

Skit two: Baby Diva/A-hole

Plot: Our baby is an actor/actress. He/she has his/her own dressing room and we come in and tell him/her it's time for a scene and then he/she throws an empty liquor bottle at us (off camera of course so the baby is just sitting there in front of a mirror with the bottle and a glass then it cuts back to us and we're ducking the flying bottle) and we get upset, but we grovel to him/her and act like he/she is so important.

That's all I got right now. It's gonna be youtube goal and our baby will be a cash cow for us. That's actually what we should name him/her... cash cow. It's got a nice ring to it.


From: Koay, Rai
Sent: Friday, October 21, 2011 9:53 AM
To: 'Jamie V. '
Subject:

Sounds like a great idea for our baby! We have enough freeloaders at our house with the cat and the dog. This baby needs to earn its keep.

how to tell if your fiancé really loves you...

Me: “Babe, will you watch Kims Fairy Tale Wedding with me tonight? Think of it as wedding research”

Jamie: “I guess”

2 hours later

Jamie: “Im getting tired, is this almost over?”

Me: “ Ummm, yes, this one is but the actual wedding is in part 2, will you watch part 2 with me? Think of it as wedding research”

Jamie: “WHAT? Its still the FIRST part? What the hell?!”

4 hours later

Jamie: “I cant believe I just watched that for 4 hours”

Me: “You are the most amazing fiancé ever and I swear I won’t tell a soul about this”
;)

Day 11

So the biggest difference I have noticed being vegan has been the ever growing hole in my bank account. It’s the most expensive “diet” I have ever been on. Eating shitty (aka uber healthy) food is expensive! I have also noticed that I eat twice as much as usual (yeah, I didnt think that was possible either), I am not sure if it’s due to lower caloric intake or that everything tastes like something I would feed the dog therefore I find myself dying to find a cheeseburger substitute, so I just eat everything stamped vegan and pray for some flavor. No cheese burger substitute yet but I have found a few faves that I will share incase any of you decide to do something as ridiculous as go vegan for a month!

Breakfast:
Soy-rizo & potato scramble
Fry up some potatoes with onion and peppers
Put potatos to the side and then fry up the fake chorizo
Once browned, add potatoes and mix over low heat
Warm vegan friendly tortillas and add mix with avocado and hot salsa (or mild salsa for those of you that can’t handle the heat)

Lunch:
Fake Chicken & Hummus Wrap
Fry your fake chicken in a pan with whatever spices you want
Warm your vegan friendly tortillas and add the chicken, lettuce, jalapeños and hummus of your choice
I also like to add a side of spicy black bean soup

Dinner:
Vegetable Marsala Burger
I usually top with hummus and avocado on vegan friendly bread, or you guessed it, a vegan friendly tortilla
I also add a side of either black bean soup or a baked potato with vegan chili on top

Hungry now aren't ya?


Well that's been my life for the past 11 days and will continue to be my life for the next 20 days. I just want to go into a wine coma (an organic vegan wine coma of course) and wake up in November. I would be lying if I said this was easy, it’s not, hell being vegetarian at this point is way cooler than being vegan. The only thing way cooler than being a vegetarian is being a meatatarian where you do things like normal people do.

How do I get myself into these situations?! I mean, who really needs to test their will power for no reason other than to make sure you still have some? I guess I do.

Next October I am going to give up giving up stuff.



Potential Halloween Costume?

i knew it was true

I have to credit Daily Sparkles for this fact. I do apologize though, I can not credit whomever she stole it from, that's on her ;)

when did it become this way?

It was like one day I was in my bikini, in the bay, in an inter tube made for an 8 year old, with a beer in my hand, worrying about not spilling my beer and worrying about whether or not we were going to die from getting tangled in the ropes and drowning.

Then I woke up one day and I was in my sweats, in the living room, in rubber gloves made for an 80 year old, with a sponge in my hand trying to scrub our radiators in preparation for winter, worrying about if they were coated in lead based paint and worrying about whether or not we were going to die from breathing in heated lead based paint.

When did it become this way?

Where were the tell tell signs that would show me that things were evolving and that I was getting old and “responsible”. Why didn’t my bank call me when they noticed my debit card went from being used for 30 packs of quantity over quality cans to being used for 6 packs of quality over quantity bottles? Where was the call when I stopped buying $200 boots and started buying $200 worth of cleaning supplies and linens or when I stopped buying microwaveable dinners to buying actual ingredients to make things “from scratch”? Don’t banks pride themselves on detecting when something is “out of the ordinary” on your account?? You know, someone in Spain stole my identity once and drained my bank account, they called me then- and I’m not even remotely as upset about my identity being stolen as I am about being a real responsible adult. At least then my identity was worth stealing. I think the guy from Spain keeps calling me from an unknown number, trying to give me my identity back. He doesn’t even want it anymore (he probably got a look at my student loan bill).

Why haven’t my friends called me to say “Hey Rai, you haven’t partied on a Wednesday in a while, what’s up with that? Are you ill?” Oh right, that’s because they are busy buying houses, building sheds and raising small humans.

Seriously, when did it become this way?

I started a real savings account, not a “saving for Mardi Gras” savings account, an actual savings account, one that has no meaning until “an emergency occurs” (btw, needing a Gucci bag because mine is “so last season” is surprisingly not considered an emergency (so says Jamie)).

I started thinking about my future and making decisions that count beyond “what’s for dinner?” (which is a legitimate future decision if you ask me, it’s tough to know what to eat for dinner, I mean, it depends, am I craving something? Am I PMSing? How long has it been since I’ve had wings? Do I feel like fast food? a sit down dinner? a fast sit down dinner?)

Anyways, I guess it became this way the day I decided to settle down and marry the love of my life or the day I realized I cared more about the quality of our thread count than the quality of my rain boots (other things like handbags, jeans and winter coats are a work in progress) I guess it became this way the day I got a puppy and could no longer leave from work and go straight to Happy Hour on Wednesdays. Either way, I am not necessarily saying I am happy about all these "sudden" changes, but I will say that I wouldn’t have had my life become any other way, but this way...





















… Unless I were to accidentally win the lottery, like this woman did. Lucky bitch.