Sanity and sleep go hand in hand, which explains a lot actually

Anyone who knows me knows about my intense battle with insomnia and by intense, I mean, I pretty much haven’t slept since elementary school and even then I remember lying awake countless nights sneaking to watch M.A.S.H and The Insomniac show with Dave Attell after my parents have gone to bed. I have no idea why I can't sleep; My parents sleep, I have a sister that’s basically narcoleptic and a fiancé that can take a 20 min power nap in his car during a lunch break. I actually get upset with people who can sleep; as a matter of fact it’s probably been an issue in past relationships: “Why did you guys break up?” me: “The jerk sleeps so peacefully at night, can you believe the nerve?”… Sounds completely logical right? Well, I have decided to grow up on that front and realize that it is probably not normal to be angry at people who do a very natural and normal thing.

side note: (I’ve KINDA realized this; it’s a work in progress)

I’ve tried everything. I mean everything… from counting sheep (seriously), to herbal remedies (melatonin, valerian root, Chamomile), to Tylenol PM, Advil PM, Motrin PM, to Ambien, Sleepy time tea, Benadryl, a glass of wine, a bottle of wine, a mixture of all of the above, etc… The list goes on. It’s astounding how desperate you get for some R & R.

So as of late I have tried this short term remedy: no caffeine after noon and then I take 2 OTC sleeping pills at 9:30pm to keep me asleep (and not to mention makes me EXTREMELY groggy in the AM) but unfortunately does not put me to sleep, so therefore I also take 1 OTC sleeping pill to put me to sleep (but doesn’t not keep me asleep (ugh, it’s a vicious cycle really)) immediately at 10:30pm.
This combo has proven to give me about 2-2.5 hours of sleep a night…. Which is surprisingly long hours for me, one who is used to absolutely no sleep to roughly 15-20 minutes of awkward dreaming/night tremors a night, sans being heavily sedated.

But the newest thing to throw a kink in my already questionable sleep patterns has been that Jamie has adapted a new nighttime routine where he starts petting my face and hair randomly in the middle of the night. (yeah, it’s ok, go a head, picture it) Now, this probably sounds romantic and sweet to some and possibly creepy to others, and I understand that all too well, but it scares the shit out of me in the middle of the night and it’s REALLY hard to yell at someone for doing such a nice/sweet/weird/romantic gesture. Sleeping medicine does weird things to you and I am no exception and neither is Jamie (sometimes he will take OTC sleepy time meds just to make me feel semi normal- what a gentleman huh?) Anyways, he always has some great excuse as to why he is doing it. Last night went like this:

3:01am
Me: (waking up to Jamie’s hands in my hair and then my face slowly poking me in the eyes)“Jamie, WHAT are you doing?? This is the second time tonight you have woken me up by petting my face, this seriously needs to stop!”

*silence*

3:03am
Me: “Seriously, whats your deal?? Are you even awake right now? Are you punishing me for something, because its working!”

Jamie: “Huh what? Oh yeah, I just knew that was important to you?”

Me: at a lost for words

Me: “What was important to me?? What are you talking about? You’re asleep huh, you little shit- I hate you sometimes”

Jamie: “Its for you”

Me: “Whats for me?”

*silence*

3:05am
Me: “Ugh, great now the dog needs to go out”

Jamie: “Oh yeah, that’s what’s important to you, the dog needs to go out”

Me: “You can’t be serious”

3:09am
Jamie sleeps soundly while I am up… for the REST of the night.

Surprisingly this wasn’t the first night this has happened, and I have a feeling it wont be the last.

I haven’t slept for 30 years and I am freaking exhausted. If any one has any solution that they have found to actually help, please by all means, share! This doesn’t count for those of you that have had trouble falling asleep “that one night” so you drank warm milk and then conked out like a baby. I am talking to those of you that have literally cried tears in the middle of the night asking God what you did wrong in a past life for him to grant you a lifetime of sleepless nights. Do you know how much thinking a woman can accomplish in an entire 8 hour span of laying in bed in silence? A scary amount. You think a long day at work is tough? Try having a long day at work that carries into the night where you get to lay in bed for 8 hours thinking about your long day at work only to turn around and have another long day at work the next morning having had ZERO sleep in between to maintain your sanity. Sanity and sleep go hand in hand I've heard, which explains a lot actually.

So needless to say, if you are ever up in the wee hours of the night and you have nothing better to do just BBM me, cause I’m probably just laying there thinking about alien abductions and their correlation with crop circles, whether or not there is good profit in owning a coffee shop and what color I would paint the walls, or I will be wondering how many people from America’s Most Wanted have been found from watching the show and if I watched the show would I even know if I came face to face with one of the most wanted or would I fail America at turning this person in because “I know I’ve seen him somewhere, just not sure, work maybe?” and whether or not the rug in the living room is centered enough to give the space enough dimension and depth without looking cluttered-- all while I’m trying to figure the words out to the song stuck in my head that I know I know, but I don’t know.

Exhausting huh?