Old People and Time Warner

Old people love McDonalds breakfast, and when I say love, I literally think it’s the only thing they are living for at that point. I watched a woman, let’s say she was about 160 years old, count out all her pennies to pay for her coffee yesterday morning. After the senior discount, McDonalds coffee really doesn’t amount to much, so the counting of the pennies part isn’t the bad part. It’s the time it took her to take each penny out of her purse, decide whether it was an actual penny or not and then move at whatever the opposite of the speed of sound is to get the penny to the counter (imagine this 95 pennies later). I really, really just wanted to pay for it myself and get it over with, but the last time I did that for an old person I got yelled at (live and learn). I did ask really loudly “DO YOU GUYS STILL STOP SERVING BREAKFAST AT 10:30!?” (mind you, it was 6:12am, but you never know and I don’t know what this ladies intentions were). Ok, this may have been a little harsh, but my time is valuable (as you may know, I have to leave my place, to go another place, to make money, to pay for the place I just left, so I can store my things at night, so people don’t steal them while I sleep) plus I get really cranky when I don’t eat; so my actions were pretty justified. I think.
Finally, after my immature (yet totally justifiable) temper tantrum, I got served… and then I got my breakfast. *(very few people will get that last statement, but if you did, please see attached form to claim your prize).

I was told yesterday by a wise and talkative man, that if you take care of your body you can live to be about 120... Ummm… No. Thank. You. At 28, I can barely remember where I parked my car, my back hurts and I have migraines, and I can’t drive (this could also be due to the fact that I am half Asian, but that’s not the point here). Anyways, what are you going to do different from 88 yrs old to 120 yrs old? Personally, I get bored easy, I am lucky if I make it through just a regular Wednesday, not alone thousands of Wednesday’s (I am no mathematician, but I am pretty sure thousands of Wednesdays equals 120 years, or so). Don’t get me wrong, I lead relatively exciting life, but you have to REALLY be able to entertain yourself if you are going to live that long, and to be honest, I don’t know if I am up to the challenge.

Also, I hate Time Warner.

And I bet old people hate Time Warner too.


*Prize Claim:

Balls of Fire

You know that unreachable burning ball of fire in the sky?

Well, apparently it is in charge of your entire life; from what I have experienced, studied and surveyed: we are going to keep this whole “time” thing around for a bit.

Speaking of time, I was “late” today (mind you, I got to work at 7:03am). It’s Friday and frankly, I’m effing exhausted. Every morning, including this morning, I am racing against time to get past traffic, traffic lights, bad drivers, and people who apparently get awards for maintaining a speed 10 under the speed limit... I say “late” with quotations because I feel like the term “late” is relative, I mean, who is to say what is and is not considered late. The sun I guess, ultimately that was our original source for time telling. Now, it’s your boss, your parents, the person you are meeting for lunch, the bank, your blind date; all these people have control over whether or not you are technically considered late for something. My boss is very particular about punctuality. Well, punctuality (which, I am surprisingly pretty good at) stresses me out. It really stresses me out, what if I am on my way to work and I suddenly have the urge to pee or order an Egg McMuffin? I am 28 yrs old and I am so concerned about all this abstract time talk that I have to put restrictions on my life choices (and dammit, I love me an Egg McMuffin in the morning). There is such a bad stigma with being late, I should consider suing people who spread the word of my tardiness for defamation of character.

Along the lines of my feelings towards being considered late are my feelings towards what is considered “early”. I think I get up very early, but then I get into work and I’m all like “Good morning, man it’s early!” and they reply “EARLY?! I’ve been up for hours! I’ve already had breakfast, ran 3 miles and took my kids to school!!” (I don’t know what school starts at 6am, but whatever). Then I’m all like “Ok, Mister Judgmental, wtf does that mean to me? Do I owe you an award or something? Because I already gave out 2 awards this morning to the people going 10 under the speed limit, so I'm fresh out of awards buddy! And just because you were up a few hours ago doesn’t mean that this is not MY early time... jerk” but I think that, I don’t say it.

Personally, I think I only obtain complete functionality between the hours of 10am and 2pm anyway. Before 10am I am tired, right in the middle I am hungry, and then right after I am busy regretting my lunch choices (see, if I would have been able to get that Egg McMuffin I wouldn’t have over indulged during my lunch). I should suggest to my boss that I only work those hours, but I don’t think it really works like that (no pun intended).

Anyways, It’s 8:40am on Friday, who knows if this post even makes sense, I know it can’t possibly be funny. My funny hours are between 7:00pm and 7:15pm on Wednesday’s and personally I think I peaked in my mid 20’s.

Either you are or you’re not.

Me vs. Craigslist

OK, maybe not me versus the actual site itself, but the creepy con-artist breeding community that lies in the background; preying on the innocent and feeding off of "Missed Connections" in hopes to be re-connected with “girl in red volkswagon who turned left that one day”. Craigslist has made me skeptical of everything internet. Don’t get me wrong, Craigslist has treated me well on more than one occasion. There was that one time in the summer of '05 when I wanted some extra "going out" money, so I sold my Family Guy DVD’s. Creepy buyer called me for 3 months straight asking me things that creepy people ask... I had to change my number. Well maybe that was a bad example of the good CL has brought me. Hmmm.. Well, there was also the time when my long distance boyfriend and I broke up so I sold my webcam, I bought it for $60 and sold it to creepy guy #2 for $75, I was pretty excited and the sale was totally worth the 100's of XXX rated emails I recieved from creepy guy #2 for the next year and a half.

Most people are repulsed by the graphic posts, such like “guy with 9inch penis who seeks place to put it”, but you know, I say kudos to you “guy with 9inch penis who seeks place to put it”!!! At least you are being honest! What I do not give kudos to is being sent to a fake interview where I show up and they put me in some weird room with 10 weird people, make me watch a 2 hour "company" video and then proceed to initiate me into their cult.. THAT’S what I do not like… At least if I would have responded to “guy with 9inch penis who seeks place to put it”, I would have known what I was getting into.

Now that I am no longer on the ultimate job hunt (Woo Hoo!), the ultimate apartment hunt has been occupying my time (*sigh* it's always something). Apartment hunting on Craigslist is just about as bad as the job hunting on Craigslist. Here are my main issues: First of all, NO PICTURES, really?!?! IT’S REAL ESTATE, show me some damn pictures so I don’t waste my gas driving to your shithole apartment that you claimed was “recently updated and really cozy”- IT’S A GARAGE WITH CARDBOARD OVER THE DOOR!! If you would have just said it was where you used to park your car, or HAD A PICTURE I would have known and I wouldn’t have spent the afternoon angry and out of gas. Second of all, when I put “$1500” as my desired price, do not try and trick me with “$1500” in the headline and then when I click on you it states “$1500 a week!!!!”- A) That’s not a steal and B) You don’t think I am going to notice that I am actually paying quadruple the amount of rent I intended?! I’ll just be all like “oh, you want more money- here rape my wallet, apparently I just throw money around" And last of all, do not tease me with “Downtown loft $489 a month!” and show me some awesome picture of a sky rise I would give my first born to live in (literally, I would have to give my up first born – have you seen how tiny those places are?). I know it’s not really $489 a month, you can’t rent a parking spot in CA for $489 a month. So what are you? Are you bored and just taking pictures of really nice lofts to trick people? If so, tricking them into what? (People kill over things like that, so you better watch yourself). OR are you really in collaboration with the Craigslist fake job postings and this is just another avenue for you to lure me into your cult?

Either way,

All I really want is a nice place to put my things at night so no one steals them when I sleep. So all I really ask community of Craigslist is this, Just be real.

Because either you are or you’re not.

btw: I google imaged "being tricked into a cult" and this is what I got. You're welcome: