hi former self, it's me, real self

Thing 5: You never really know if you are where you’re supposed to be.

At 30, I realized that almost everyone I know is at a different place in their life. Some have babies, dogs, families; some are still out partying it up and living like their 20, some of my friends are engaged, married, moving across seas. Some are jobless, some are CEO’s and some are just trying to make a living doing what they love (some making a living doing what they hate). What we are doing now is, well, what we are doing now. How would we ever know what we are supposed to be doing in our lives now with no former self to compare?

I would like to think I am where I should be, I wake up every morning to my fiancé, with whom I fall more and more in love with, I get to clean up Cowbells throw-up and Xanders chewed up tissues in my sleep every night, I wake up and have a great job to go to. I work, I get paid, I buy unnecessary things and I consume a large amount of food. I mean, what more am I supposed to want/do. I am where I think I should be at 30. Problem is, I don’t want anything to do with 30. 30 means “Grown Up” and frankly Im not buying the whole grown up thing just yet. I want to travel, move, buy more unnecessary things; I want to be selfish and not turn our “second bedroom” into a nursery… just yet (speaking of selfish, our second bedroom is actually just a really HUGE walk-in closet… just for me!).

I LOVE that my friends are having babies though, which means I get to awkwardly hold them for as long as I would like and then I get to give them back! When I was twelve I thought I was supposed to have three babies by 30 (thank goodness adults don’t listen to 12 year olds)… I am seriously surprised that Jamie and I have managed to keep our dog and cat alive for this long. That statement alone doesn’t sound very responsible and I am pretty sure if child services were reading this blog (which I am actually pretty certain they are) I would probably be forbidden to have children right now. Plus Xander is definitely still not old enough to babysit, I mean, who poops on the floor when getting their nails done. God he really needs to grow up.


“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... WOW! What a ride!”

It's my Birthday Betch!

I can not claim the post below. I snagged it from one of my favorite blog sites : betcheslovethissite
Either way, I thought it to be so fitting for this weekends birthday festivities! And however way you want to swing it, I think we all have a little betch in us. And if you dont, you at least wish you did ;)

4. Birthdays

Ask any betch what her favorite day of the year is, and she’ll for sure say, “My birthday, obvs!” Birthdays are a chance for betches to dress way nicer than everyone else, celebrate the fact that they’re still young and hot, and host a big party for all their friends! Every betch knows that the birthday pregame is always wayyyyy better than the birthday party itself, and you’re only as betchy as the number of people who refuse to respond to your Facebook invite because you didn’t respond to theirs. Awaiting reply? See ya there! Maybe attending? Hmm… Go fuck yourself.

First comes the matter of how to word the Facebook birthday invitation. It has to be somewhat clever, so people think you’re funny, but not too clever that it seems like you actually put any effort into it. Always appoint two or more of your best betches as admins, and make sure one of them invites the bro you like so he doesn’t think you actually want him there. Betches never look desperate. And of course, tell your besties to come at least a half hour early so it looks like you have tons of friends when your outer circle betches arrive (also extra time to #1 talk shit!).

Birthdays are also a great time to ask your parents for random shit, not that they don’t usually give you random shit anyway. While the rest of the world gets a day, a betch’s birthday can last almost an entire week. A birthday pregame might be enough for some, but betches prefer to have a birthday brunch, birthday dinner, birthday party, sometimes even a birthday vacation (at least on the big years, like 10, 12, 13, 16, 18, 21, 25, and every subsequent age ending in 0 or 5). These events can go on for days, weeks, months… until it’s time for the next betch’s birthday! Last but not least, it’s important to mention that proper betch etiquette dictates that betches never exchange actual birthday gifts. No, gifts are meant to come from mommy and daddy, so all the other betches just chip in and buy alcohol for the birthday betch at every celebratory event. Happy birthday betches!

mac an cheese

From: Jamie Vigliotta
Sent: Tuesday, July 19, 2011 9:22 AM
To: Koay, Rai
Subject: Wasssssup!

Holy crap... I don’t’ know where to begin.

It’s been 5 days since I last contacted you over Lake Michigan. There’s a reason for that, apparently when you’re shot down by Russian fighter jets and your helicopter lands in the water, your phone doesn’t work anymore. Who knew? I hope you are well and that you are NOT with an Arabian prince. Trust me, I’ve met some of them, they’re dbags fo sho. I’m off topic. So, I’m contacting you now from work (finally back!), I don’t’ know where to start, should I tell you about the laundry mat that was actually a front for a Peruvian Meth lab whose profits were funding Fermex while poisoning the youth of Peru? Should I tell you about the 3 days I spent in the Siberian tundra, eating meat again for the first time in years just to keep my energy level up enough to not die... Poor Caribou : ( Or should I tell you about the night in Dubai’s Nad Al Sheba Racecourse where I won over a million dollars of Fermex’s funding money in a high stakes game of pin the tail on the donkey? All I know is the Cypher is safe now and I’m back at work, I don’t have the energy to explain it all right now, I have to file some web ranking reports for work.... I’ve missed you these past five days, there were moments when I thought I’d never see you again. It was awful.
Anywho...

Mac an cheese tonight?

Love you baby!


From: Koay, Rai
Sent: Tuesday, July 19, 2011 9:43 AM
To: Jamie Vigliotta
Subject: Re: Wasssssup!

Who is this?



From: Koay, Rai
Sent: Tuesday, July 19, 2011 9:59 AM
To: Jamie Vigliotta
Subject: Re: Re: Wasssssup!

Also,
What I forgot to tell you was…
Since you’ve been gone…
(true stories)
I have managed to take my car and wreck it into your car.
I’ve let every single one of our plants die.
Xander has eaten my Armani seeing eye glasses.
I couldn’t see for what felt like months (come to find out, it was just 2 days)
I’ve eaten everything in the house, with the exception of the moldy light wheat bread; I’ve kept it for sentimental reasons. We used to eat that bread together.
Remember, remember eating that bread?? We used it as buns because I refuse to buy actual buns and when it starts to go bad we toast it, because once bad bread is toasted its good bread again.
Ive also been waking up with my underwear on backwards. I just don’t get it, at what point in the middle of the night am I in a situation where I would take off my undergarments and turn them around?
See its reasons like these that you need to come back home to me.
I’ve missed you Hero, I’ve missed you.

he wins this round

Thing 4: Love and Laughter trumps all.
Even Gucci bags and Jimmy Choo’s (but not by much)





This is an exchange of emails between Jamie and I early this morning, this is an example of why I am so rich in love and blessed in my relationship. Also, that I really need to step up my game when sending my good morning one liners to my fiancé.


From: Koay, Rai
Sent: Thursday, July 14, 2011 8:51 AM
To: Jamie Vigliotta
Subject: So today already...

I was pelted in the face by a huge beetle, scared the crap out of me and I screamed just like a girl would getting hit by a beetle in the face in front of everyone.

And its only 8:50am!

How is your morning??


From: Jamie Vigliotta
Sent: Thursday, July 14, 2011 9:03 AM
To: Koay, Rai
Subject: Re: So today already...

Did it give you a black eye? That’d make for a hell of a story (not that it isn’t already!).

My morning was pretty uneventful, compared to yours.

When I walked out the door this morning a man came parachuting out of the sky and landed on our front lawn. He was covered in blood, looked like he’d been shot. He was hurt bad, I helped him stand and then he whispered in my ear, “Don’t let Fermex gain control of the cypher”. Then he handed me a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket (also covered in blood). Then he died.

Just then bullets whizzed by my head! I had to duck and run behind our house for cover, but I had dropped the paper on the lawn. A black van screeched to stop right in front of our house and all these heavily armored guys got out with sub-machine guns pointed at me and started shooting, I had to run back while they were shooting at me to grab the paper on the ground next to the dead guy. When I picked it up I saw grenades attached to his belt, I grabbed one, pulled the pin and lobbed it at the van, it exploded on contact taking out all the guys shooting at me. I grabbed more weapons from the dead guy and stole one of our neighbors car (They’d most likely be looking for ours and I didn’t want it to get messed up if I got into a car chase, which inevitably I would). So I just start driving, anywhere. I looked at the paper and it’s this complex set of symbols, right when I look at it all this information floods my brain like it unlocked something up there. At that moment, I knew what the cypher was.

I had to get to Istanbul and I had to get there fast. I cant explain why, I’m flying a helicopter over Lake Michigan right now, (I have my work email on my phone).

I love you, I’ll keep you updated.


From: Koay, Rai
Sent: Thursday, July 14, 2011 9:13 AM
To: Jamie Vigliotta
Subject: RE: So today already...

Please fly safe! I love you too, never forget that!

Why do I feel like I am yelling this? I am not even using caps; my adrenaline is just at a peak level right now!

I need you to listen to me… DO NOT COME HOME UNTIL YOU SOLVE THE CYPHER.

Do not be alarmed if when you return from Istanbul our house is bigger and my car is nicer and I am married to an Arabian Prince. It’s just something I have to do.

Im sure you understand. What you are doing right now is bigger than us, I understand that. I am a proud woman right now; you are so courageous baby, so unbelievably courageous.

Love always…

sway violently

Thing 3: People do not like to sit in a rocking boat.
Unless it’s during a white water rafting trip.

Not that anyone “likes” to feel uncomfortable, but some people really don’t mind it. In fact, some people go out of their way to create uncomfortable situations/environments out of pure pleasure… I commend these people! Makes for an interesting trip in the elevator and for unlimited entertainment during family reunions… People could use a little rock in their boat (rock as in “to sway violently, as from a blow or shock” not as in “rock: relatively hard, naturally formed mineral or petrified matter; stone”, (although I am sure either rock is not good for a boat) So I say- rock all you want, just as long as I am safe and sound on dry land ;)

There are, of course, different levels of “rock”; there are gentle sways, ripple effects and sometimes violent storms. Some people do not like to be put in any situation that changes their routine, some people do not like to try anything new and some people really do not like to discuss any topic that may make them have to think, or worse, may make them have to think and then realize that what they have been thinking all along is possibly… wrong? Imagine if there were no Rosa Parks of the world, clearly there was a boat that need rocked on that one, this is how movements start people! Think outside the box, allow discussions of religion and politics to enter your life, feel the violent sway, embrace it, hell learn something!

Speaking of religion, I came from a Christian home; I attended Catholic grade school and went to a Baptist church every Sunday for many years… So I have my views and my opinions on religion. I will save you the agony of listening to my views though, mainly because I don’t have the time to write it all and also because if you are like most people, you simply do not want to hear it. But I will ask these questions (and I am very open to hear your views/thoughts/opinions on these questions, just as long as they make sense, don’t start preaching something that you have ZERO idea of what you are talking about- that’s just annoying)

Here are the forever questions that no one ever seems to have the answers to, but are fun “boat rocking” questions none the less :):

Why do [some] people of a “Christian nature” think it is ok to place all accountability on God and accept no responsibility for themselves, their actions, their “misgivings” or their repercussions?

It’s like everyone has an “out”. As long as people have someone (God) to blame, then that will be as long as we stay stagnant in our successes.

God does not make you a bad person, you make you a bad person. God does not make you a good person, you make you a good person.

I hear such unfortunate things come out of people’s mouths:
Example A) “Everyone please take time and pray for me, pray that my movers do not come to my house until after I have all of my things packed, thank you God”
Example B) “God if you are listening, I really really really want that new car I can’t afford; if you are really there God, you will make sure I get that car!”
Or Example C) “I just don’t get why I didn’t get the promotion, yeah sure, I am not qualified, but if God loved me and wanted me to make more money he would have given me this promotion. It must not be meant to be.”

Do I even need to explain how insane those statements are?? Well, I’m not going to, because if you don’t get it, then you are probably one of the people from those examples.

Another thought provoking question:
Why do [some] people of a “Christian nature” think it is ok to act and do as they please, mainly acting not very Christian-like at all, yet feel as long as they preach the word of God, they feel as though they have no repercussions for their ill-willed actions?

What I know is this: I know people can be good and people can be evil. You choose to be good or not as a person, just like you chose to follow faith in your religion or not, as a person. I have always liked the saying “Going to Church does not make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car”. I noticed that some people get upset about this quote; I also notice that those people are usually “Christians” that do not act very Christian-like, or have no real education in their religion. Honest and true Christians and honest and true people enjoy that quote. Why? Because it is true. It’s one of the truest statements I know… People should only practice what they preach and only preach what they practice. No one likes a hypocrite, whether you’re Catholic, Baptist, Buddhist, Atheist or none of the above. Just be a good person. Some of the greatest people I know do not attend church at all; some of the greatest people I know attend church twice a week… The common thing is… they chose to be good people.

So next time you are on your high horse, stop and think, do good people sit on high horses?




*Side note:
This paragraph has nothing to do with this entry, but I thought I’d “lighten” the mood:
Preface (and true story): Did you know that face oil blotting papers that you pay $6 bucks for at CVS are also made of the same paper as toilet seat covers?? Yes, they are and this will change your life. I make it a point to rub my face down with free toilet seat covers every time I am in a situation where there are free toilet seat covers present.
And it’s all fun and games until you get off a 6 hour flight, only to stand in a bathroom line that wraps around the terminal. Waiting impatiently for an open stall, run in, turn around and realize that there you sit, door wide open, pants around your ankles, shoving a fist full of toilet seat liners into your face.

I would like to think that A) the ladies in line “totally got it” and do the same thing, or if nothing else, they had a really interesting story to tell.

settling is for chumps

Thing 2: People Change
… but only on their terms.










This goes for your own personal changes and also the changes of the people around you. People so desperately want the people around them to think like them, share the same views, want the same successes, like the same types of food... We do, yet we don’t. If we all thought and lived equally there would be no real experiences, no growth, no mind expansion. We live and breathe off one another, that's how we learn, we want people to listen and see our point of views, but we dont want to force them to be us. We want diversity yet we get upset when people disagree with our thoughts or way of life… What a boring world it would be without discussions, learning new things, opening your mind to alternative views, arguments that lead to you finding out that you actually do like raw oysters and without the cracker. We all love a great debate every once in a while, right?

So then stop the judging, stop trying to push your views and beliefs on others, stop trying to change someone’s character or the way they dress. You can’t make someone be less selfish or more independent. That stuff happens in time and within someone’s comfort zone and time frame, not by you pushing for it. Stop trying to force relationships, stop trying to change yourself to be like what others want you to be.

Life, to me, isn’t about accepting what lands on your doorstep every morning, it’s not about what my neighbor, my dad or my dog thinks it should be for me, its about getting out into the world and experiencing all that life has to offer, it’s about living off the cuff and being unreasonable and taking leaps without a net. It’s about the art of living life through my eyes…

So if living comfortably is something that you enjoy, don’t tell people on Match.com that you are “spontaneous”, it’s ok if you’re not. Just stop the madness, people will change, you will change, just on your own terms and you will change the things worth changing… things that will improve your character and life.

People change, because settling is for chumps. And no one wants to be a chump. :)

Back to the Basics

So I’ve figured out quit a few things since the time I’ve started this blog, but instead of weighing you down with all my wise knowledge at once, I will start a break down of “all things wise” from this past year over several blog entries…

One very important thing I have learned over these last few years as a “blogger” … Is that... I’m not a very good one. I am inconsistent, I have no real direction and for the life of me I can’t find the time to sit down and write a solid entry. Have I become too busy with being busy? I would say so. Normally in this instance I’d blame the government, but they are getting blamed for a lot right now, so I will cut them a break this once and accept some responsibility.

I have let my loyal blog followers down. And to you guys, I am sorry. I will ask you to go easy on me just from the last few months, so much has changed in life and I really didn’t have the time to sit down and write. But now, now there are no excuses and with that said lets get back to the basics…

The point of this blog “Chasing Me”, was intended to be about me finding myself on this quick and unstoppable journey we call life. And since I am way to lazy to write the book I’ve always wanted to, I figured a blog would have to suffice. And when I realized I was becoming lazy in that, I decided something drastic has to be done to free up my time. So I put myself on a budget (which surprisingly frees up more time than I’d like to admit). It’s mindboggling how much time I spend spending money, so this morning I woke up early to get my money spending over with so I could spend some time doing things for me this afternoon. Like writing blog entries and yelping about how terrible David’s Bridal is (like, really terrible) and then spend some time trying to figure out the difference between tree-like weeds growing in my yard that are NOT supposed to be there and weed-like trees growing in my yard that ARE supposed to be there. You know, important things… Things like paying bills and laundry can wait until Monday, Mondays suck already anyway.

So the number 1 thing I have learned in the last year is:

I am not a very good blogger.

But, I am going to sign up for online blogger classes to get better I promise (did you know they make classes available on your phone, I'd assume so that you can spend money and take classes at the same time!)... Two birds.