conversations normal people probably do not have

Jamie: How did you get that gash on your leg?

Me: From a candle at Target

--silence—

Jamie: Um, can you elaborate please?

Me: Yeah, a candle fell off the shelf and gashed my leg, hurt like hell

Jamie: First how does a candle just fall? Did you touch it? And second, how does a cylinder candle do that kind of damage?

Me: Well the candle was in a box, I guess I should have said that part and no I didn’t touch it!

--silence—

Me: Ok, maybe I touched it.

Jamie: Mmmmhmmm that’s what I thought… and what’s the cut on your stomach from?

Me: What cut? Oh the one here (pointing to the cut right above my belly button)?

Jamie: Yeah, that one, whats that from? Target as well?

Me: Target? Don’t be silly! That one is from when I stabbed myself with a knife in my belly, remember?

Jamie: Oh yeah, I remember. Different from the time you almost stabbed me with a knife when I was grilling?

Me: Yeah that was two different days. I almost stabbed you the day after I actually stabbed me.

--silence—

Me: So the conclusion of this story is, you are clearly safe from danger. Me, not so much.

Jamie: Ok, no more knives for you. Or wine glasses, since you have managed to break all of those.

Me: Why no more wine glasses? They aren’t ALL broken!

Jamie: How many do we have?

Me: Like 4

Jamie: How many did we start with?

Me: 22

Jamie: Yeah, my point exactly.