Cubicle Monkey

I think there should be a rule that you can only eat soft foods if you are in a cubical set up, because every time I hear the girl next to my cube open her zip lock container I have to brace myself. After months of study and research I have narrowed it down; she is going to eat 1 of 2 things, rock candy or shards of glass. I know that for the next 20 minutes I will not be able to concentrate on any single thing while she chews on her own teeth, and apparently it is not work appropriate to bring ear plugs to a job where you have to be "phone ready". I have mind stapled her mouth shut on several occasions.

I hear the average cube size has shrunken to about 5x6; which I believe 100% considering if I spread my arms far and wide I can almost touch each wall and I am only 5'2", with average length arms in proportion to my height (I think). I am sure I look ridiculous sitting here in a pterodactyl stance but I am really concerned about having the proper amount of breathing room in here... Thank goodness for this 3 sided semi-fuzzy wall barrier that protects me from the outside world. I am pretty much invincible in here, no one can see me (unless of course they stand up and/or walk past my missing 4th wall). And although the guy sitting across from me can not see my actions, if he pays close enough attention he can count my key strokes and figure out my wpm. Which I am pretty sure he has.
It amazes me that as grown adults we risk our lives and sanity to wake up before we want to, put on a less than comfortable work appropriate outfit and drive recklessly through traffic, all to rush into our tiny little work cage and sit like monkeys.

We leave one place to go to another place to pay for the place we just left... Weird.