To the Bitch at Blockbuster

Ok, you aren't really a bitch. You are actually really sweet and very helpful at times. I assume though, that this is all a cover up, and really you have a conspiracy with the restaurant down the street that always screws up my "to go" order. Combined, the two of you use your powers of food and entertainment against my weaknesses of food and entertainment to see how many of my nights you can single handedly ruin. It's bad enough that I am spending yet another night behind the TV, and yeah, maybe I should get out of my PJ's to come visit your store. But let's be honest, Im at blockbuster for a reason... And it's not because I am feeling exceptionally motivated that day. Anyways...
To the Bitch at Blockbuster:
PLEASE STOP WITH THE MOVIE SPOILERS!! Seriously, wtf do you have against me and my love for facebook status induced movie choices! You are all Judgy McJudgerson every time I check out. I get social anxiety just walking into the store to pick out my movie of the night thanks to you...
You: Oooooooooh.... You are going to watch THAT movie tonight?
Me: Ummm.... Apparetly I am. I just over paid you for it.
You: Oooooooooh... Well, it's not that great, I mean, I watched it and it had really bad acting, buuuut maybe YOU will like it. Good luck!
Me to myself: [You are lucky I am too lazy to sign up for Netfix bitch]

This is not the first time your antics have spoiled my viewing pleasure. There was 500 Days of Summer where you told me the ending and Paper Heart where you told me the ending and Perfect Getaway where you also told me the ending... I HATE YOU.
I am going to get a job at your favorite restaurant and right after you eat your meal I'm going to be all like " Oooooooooh you ATE the glazed duck?? Why you hate animals so much?!" and you are going to be like "Who are you?" and I'm going to be all like "Don't worry I am here to help" and you are going to be like "Why are you sitting at my table?" and I'm going to be all like "Shit, you ate the goat cheese salad too? You know it causes premature hair loss!" and you are going to be like "Excuse me, my husband and I are trying to enjoy our dessert, PLEASE leave our table" and Im going to be all like "WELL ENJOY THE DESSERT BITCH, CAUSE I POISONED IT! NOW STOP RUINING MY MOVIE NIGHTS!" And then I am going to stab you with your fork so we're even.