Balls of Fire

You know that unreachable burning ball of fire in the sky?

Well, apparently it is in charge of your entire life; from what I have experienced, studied and surveyed: we are going to keep this whole “time” thing around for a bit.

Speaking of time, I was “late” today (mind you, I got to work at 7:03am). It’s Friday and frankly, I’m effing exhausted. Every morning, including this morning, I am racing against time to get past traffic, traffic lights, bad drivers, and people who apparently get awards for maintaining a speed 10 under the speed limit... I say “late” with quotations because I feel like the term “late” is relative, I mean, who is to say what is and is not considered late. The sun I guess, ultimately that was our original source for time telling. Now, it’s your boss, your parents, the person you are meeting for lunch, the bank, your blind date; all these people have control over whether or not you are technically considered late for something. My boss is very particular about punctuality. Well, punctuality (which, I am surprisingly pretty good at) stresses me out. It really stresses me out, what if I am on my way to work and I suddenly have the urge to pee or order an Egg McMuffin? I am 28 yrs old and I am so concerned about all this abstract time talk that I have to put restrictions on my life choices (and dammit, I love me an Egg McMuffin in the morning). There is such a bad stigma with being late, I should consider suing people who spread the word of my tardiness for defamation of character.

Along the lines of my feelings towards being considered late are my feelings towards what is considered “early”. I think I get up very early, but then I get into work and I’m all like “Good morning, man it’s early!” and they reply “EARLY?! I’ve been up for hours! I’ve already had breakfast, ran 3 miles and took my kids to school!!” (I don’t know what school starts at 6am, but whatever). Then I’m all like “Ok, Mister Judgmental, wtf does that mean to me? Do I owe you an award or something? Because I already gave out 2 awards this morning to the people going 10 under the speed limit, so I'm fresh out of awards buddy! And just because you were up a few hours ago doesn’t mean that this is not MY early time... jerk” but I think that, I don’t say it.

Personally, I think I only obtain complete functionality between the hours of 10am and 2pm anyway. Before 10am I am tired, right in the middle I am hungry, and then right after I am busy regretting my lunch choices (see, if I would have been able to get that Egg McMuffin I wouldn’t have over indulged during my lunch). I should suggest to my boss that I only work those hours, but I don’t think it really works like that (no pun intended).

Anyways, It’s 8:40am on Friday, who knows if this post even makes sense, I know it can’t possibly be funny. My funny hours are between 7:00pm and 7:15pm on Wednesday’s and personally I think I peaked in my mid 20’s.