planning a wedding is a breeze

I could do it in my sleep…
If I had $100,000 to spend on it and an extra $30,000 to hire a wedding planner to take care of it all while I caught up on my beauty rest.

I took this wedding as a challenge (I admit for some selfish reasons) See, I have always prided myself on being able to throw a pretty damn good party (caution: mild horn tooting). Example, I threw a party in 2009 that over 2,000 people showed up to. The police even called my place of employment to threaten me with fines if I didn’t call it off (btw the party went on and in the end no one died and I was not fined). Anyways, so when we decided to try to plan a hell of a party for our wedding here in the states, I took the challenge knowing I had this in the bag!

I didn’t, I didn’t have it in the bag… I had a bag and I had a bunch of books and I had a lot of ideas and vision boards and magazines and I watched Bridezilla and My Fair Wedding and spent countless hours on every wedding blog known to man, but my execution was to shit.

We had a year and a half engagement, then we had a year and then out of no where we had 6 months... Still, I thought, I got this! I so got this... I watched several friends have quickie engagements and their weddings went off without a hitch, I figured if someone can throw something together in 3 months, so can I.

So time passed…

And passed…

And boy was I wrong; I so did not “got this”.

Then with some wedding soul searching we realized the real reason behind all of my procrastination (besides my passion for procrastination) is that I didn’t want a traditional wedding. The moment Jamie and I became engaged we had many talks about a dream destination wedding; it’s what we truly whole heartedly wanted from day one. I don’t know why we fought it so hard, well I kinda know why, because we wanted everyone we ever knew and loved to be able to come to our day and celebrate and we knew if we went away somewhere on an island our guestlist would be limited. So we tried, I tried, I really thought I had it in the bag.

Well, we gave up on the bag, and opted for a carryon instead… So now I can say “I got this! I got it in the carryon”! and we could not be more ecstatic to be going through with our dream destination wedding and although we will miss those that will not be able to make it, we know we will have something very special to share with everyone when we get back as husband and wife.

I gotta go start packing my carryon now, because trust me, it will take me 6 months to get it all to fit.















our wedding site

#holycrapimgettinhitched

So we decided on a venue (FINALLY)... As much as we would have loved a Charlotte wedding, we just could not let go of our dream destination wedding. So we decided to make it happen (and oh its happening!). So on April 1, 2012 we will become husband and wife on this fine white sandy beach:

Excellence Playa Mujeres

Sanity and sleep go hand in hand, which explains a lot actually

Anyone who knows me knows about my intense battle with insomnia and by intense, I mean, I pretty much haven’t slept since elementary school and even then I remember lying awake countless nights sneaking to watch M.A.S.H and The Insomniac show with Dave Attell after my parents have gone to bed. I have no idea why I can't sleep; My parents sleep, I have a sister that’s basically narcoleptic and a fiancé that can take a 20 min power nap in his car during a lunch break. I actually get upset with people who can sleep; as a matter of fact it’s probably been an issue in past relationships: “Why did you guys break up?” me: “The jerk sleeps so peacefully at night, can you believe the nerve?”… Sounds completely logical right? Well, I have decided to grow up on that front and realize that it is probably not normal to be angry at people who do a very natural and normal thing.

side note: (I’ve KINDA realized this; it’s a work in progress)

I’ve tried everything. I mean everything… from counting sheep (seriously), to herbal remedies (melatonin, valerian root, Chamomile), to Tylenol PM, Advil PM, Motrin PM, to Ambien, Sleepy time tea, Benadryl, a glass of wine, a bottle of wine, a mixture of all of the above, etc… The list goes on. It’s astounding how desperate you get for some R & R.

So as of late I have tried this short term remedy: no caffeine after noon and then I take 2 OTC sleeping pills at 9:30pm to keep me asleep (and not to mention makes me EXTREMELY groggy in the AM) but unfortunately does not put me to sleep, so therefore I also take 1 OTC sleeping pill to put me to sleep (but doesn’t not keep me asleep (ugh, it’s a vicious cycle really)) immediately at 10:30pm.
This combo has proven to give me about 2-2.5 hours of sleep a night…. Which is surprisingly long hours for me, one who is used to absolutely no sleep to roughly 15-20 minutes of awkward dreaming/night tremors a night, sans being heavily sedated.

But the newest thing to throw a kink in my already questionable sleep patterns has been that Jamie has adapted a new nighttime routine where he starts petting my face and hair randomly in the middle of the night. (yeah, it’s ok, go a head, picture it) Now, this probably sounds romantic and sweet to some and possibly creepy to others, and I understand that all too well, but it scares the shit out of me in the middle of the night and it’s REALLY hard to yell at someone for doing such a nice/sweet/weird/romantic gesture. Sleeping medicine does weird things to you and I am no exception and neither is Jamie (sometimes he will take OTC sleepy time meds just to make me feel semi normal- what a gentleman huh?) Anyways, he always has some great excuse as to why he is doing it. Last night went like this:

3:01am
Me: (waking up to Jamie’s hands in my hair and then my face slowly poking me in the eyes)“Jamie, WHAT are you doing?? This is the second time tonight you have woken me up by petting my face, this seriously needs to stop!”

*silence*

3:03am
Me: “Seriously, whats your deal?? Are you even awake right now? Are you punishing me for something, because its working!”

Jamie: “Huh what? Oh yeah, I just knew that was important to you?”

Me: at a lost for words

Me: “What was important to me?? What are you talking about? You’re asleep huh, you little shit- I hate you sometimes”

Jamie: “Its for you”

Me: “Whats for me?”

*silence*

3:05am
Me: “Ugh, great now the dog needs to go out”

Jamie: “Oh yeah, that’s what’s important to you, the dog needs to go out”

Me: “You can’t be serious”

3:09am
Jamie sleeps soundly while I am up… for the REST of the night.

Surprisingly this wasn’t the first night this has happened, and I have a feeling it wont be the last.

I haven’t slept for 30 years and I am freaking exhausted. If any one has any solution that they have found to actually help, please by all means, share! This doesn’t count for those of you that have had trouble falling asleep “that one night” so you drank warm milk and then conked out like a baby. I am talking to those of you that have literally cried tears in the middle of the night asking God what you did wrong in a past life for him to grant you a lifetime of sleepless nights. Do you know how much thinking a woman can accomplish in an entire 8 hour span of laying in bed in silence? A scary amount. You think a long day at work is tough? Try having a long day at work that carries into the night where you get to lay in bed for 8 hours thinking about your long day at work only to turn around and have another long day at work the next morning having had ZERO sleep in between to maintain your sanity. Sanity and sleep go hand in hand I've heard, which explains a lot actually.

So needless to say, if you are ever up in the wee hours of the night and you have nothing better to do just BBM me, cause I’m probably just laying there thinking about alien abductions and their correlation with crop circles, whether or not there is good profit in owning a coffee shop and what color I would paint the walls, or I will be wondering how many people from America’s Most Wanted have been found from watching the show and if I watched the show would I even know if I came face to face with one of the most wanted or would I fail America at turning this person in because “I know I’ve seen him somewhere, just not sure, work maybe?” and whether or not the rug in the living room is centered enough to give the space enough dimension and depth without looking cluttered-- all while I’m trying to figure the words out to the song stuck in my head that I know I know, but I don’t know.

Exhausting huh?

conversations normal people probably do not have

Jamie: How did you get that gash on your leg?

Me: From a candle at Target

--silence—

Jamie: Um, can you elaborate please?

Me: Yeah, a candle fell off the shelf and gashed my leg, hurt like hell

Jamie: First how does a candle just fall? Did you touch it? And second, how does a cylinder candle do that kind of damage?

Me: Well the candle was in a box, I guess I should have said that part and no I didn’t touch it!

--silence—

Me: Ok, maybe I touched it.

Jamie: Mmmmhmmm that’s what I thought… and what’s the cut on your stomach from?

Me: What cut? Oh the one here (pointing to the cut right above my belly button)?

Jamie: Yeah, that one, whats that from? Target as well?

Me: Target? Don’t be silly! That one is from when I stabbed myself with a knife in my belly, remember?

Jamie: Oh yeah, I remember. Different from the time you almost stabbed me with a knife when I was grilling?

Me: Yeah that was two different days. I almost stabbed you the day after I actually stabbed me.

--silence—

Me: So the conclusion of this story is, you are clearly safe from danger. Me, not so much.

Jamie: Ok, no more knives for you. Or wine glasses, since you have managed to break all of those.

Me: Why no more wine glasses? They aren’t ALL broken!

Jamie: How many do we have?

Me: Like 4

Jamie: How many did we start with?

Me: 22

Jamie: Yeah, my point exactly.

if i could sing, i'd sing this to you

I sleep to the sound of your comfort.
Where I find comfort in your comfort.
The sun cast on your smile wakes me.
Thoughts of you congest my mind.
Love floods the veins to my heart.
My soul is alive.
My days are envious of my nights,
for my nights are surrounded by your presence.
In love comes trial,
but none that we can not face together,
none that we can not conquer.
Tears fall both in joy and pain;
both prove life is present.
Our love has depth and ease.
Our bond is rare.
Our foundation sturdy,
yearning for the structure we will build.
My eyes look forward to our future.
My feet rest for the long journey we create.
My embrace cherishes your embrace.
My body aches for your warmth and my lips for your taste.
I am rich with bliss.
I am poor of envy,
for I have everything.
I sleep to the sound of your comfort.
Where I find comfort in your comfort.

steel city

So I know everyone is sick of hearing me go on and on about California… People are like “You left, move on with your life, get over it!” (actually no one has said that to me, but I feel like someone should)


There has been a lot of good that has come out of being home so far. So I am going to take this time to be thankful…

I am thankful….

That I have been able to drive down country roads that take me home to West Virginia for Sunday dinner. I could go without the calories but I can never get enough of things my dad says (I would never say “sh!t my dad says” because after they came out with that God awful show I don’t want to compare my dad to William Shatner, plus they look nothing alike and I am sure William doesn’t play the bagpipes in a kilt)

That I have been able to save money in rent but NOT in car insurance (I would go on and on about how much more expensive car insurance is out here rather than in CA but this post is supposed to be about positive things not negative, so I will save that for the next time I am shitting on living in PA:) ) (and NO this is pre 2 accidents in one week, I can’t wait to see what post 2 accidents in one week car insurance is like)

That I have been able to spend more time with my younger siblings. Yeah I may be a decade plus older than them (ooooh shit, I said it… Im old), but they remind me of my youth and remind me of how freaking grateful I am to NOT be a teenager anymore, oh the drama…

That Jamie and I have been able to upgrade from 700 sq ft to 1400 sq ft, which allows me more room to buy and store more unnecessary things.

For the football season that is about to happen… GO STEELERS!

That I have been able to spend more time with my dearest friend Ali, it has been a blessing being able to see her more in the past 5 months than in the last 5 years… I love you Miss Ali : ) Let the good times roll…


I am thankful for our friends here in this great city and I am thankful that all of our families are closer and I am so very thankful that my fiancé and I are able to grow in our relationship and are able to share this special time in our life here, at home <3


So for all of that Pittsburgh, I thank you :)



*I have to add:

Thank you Mama Koay for always having the most entertaining and hilarious stories to tell about work ( what I would do to follow you around for one full day at Fairmont General :))

Thank you Mom for sharing all of your wisdom and knowledge (how on earth you know so much about the most random things is beyond me (and kinda scary), but thank you for sharing)

and

Thank you Batman, for filming your movie here. That’s kinda cool…

going going back back to Cali Cali

Thank you Biggie, for giving everyone in the world a song to reference when heading to the great state of California.

San Diego, I am tired of missing you, I will be seeing you over Labor Day.
xoxoxox - Rai

California Dreamin'

I’ve realized that moving is kinda like going through a tough break-up.









I gave San Diego almost 6 years of my life, which other than growing up in Wild Wonderful West Virginia, that’s the longest I have ever stayed in one place… Which only means I loved it, I loved it a lot.

I still love it.

Just like a break-up, I long for the good memories we used to share and I dream about sitting on the beach, toes in the sand, Corona in one hand, watching the sunset (which is weird because I never even did this living by the beach and we haven’t been allowed to drink on the beach in years and even when we were, we weren’t allowed glass bottles and I just cant see myself buying cans of Corona... Now that I think about it, this dream is very unrealistic. But then again, it is only a dream; dreams are allowed to be unrealistic, right?). I also break out into impromptu crying any time a song comes on the radio that reminds me of California (which is basically every song I listen to). I’ve lost weight (which is great, I get to be on the break-up diet without actually going through a real break-up) and I think about driving by my old house in the middle of the night and throwing a brick through the window saying “TAKE THAT HOUSE! Take that for letting me move, you bastard!!” (I would totally never do that to an ex-boyfriend by the way, this is all figuratively speaking. Plus it’s a 3 and half day drive to my old apartment and frankly, I just don’t have that kind of time. and gas prices are way high right now and even though I have a hybrid I really don’t want to put that many miles on my new car already). I miss the friends we used to share and the love of avocados, it was a real connection we had...

I miss you San Diego.

I miss your smell and your warm embrace. It wasn’t you, it was me. If you ever want to take me back, I am ready to come back home now…

Love,

Rai

hi former self, it's me, real self

Thing 5: You never really know if you are where you’re supposed to be.

At 30, I realized that almost everyone I know is at a different place in their life. Some have babies, dogs, families; some are still out partying it up and living like their 20, some of my friends are engaged, married, moving across seas. Some are jobless, some are CEO’s and some are just trying to make a living doing what they love (some making a living doing what they hate). What we are doing now is, well, what we are doing now. How would we ever know what we are supposed to be doing in our lives now with no former self to compare?

I would like to think I am where I should be, I wake up every morning to my fiancé, with whom I fall more and more in love with, I get to clean up Cowbells throw-up and Xanders chewed up tissues in my sleep every night, I wake up and have a great job to go to. I work, I get paid, I buy unnecessary things and I consume a large amount of food. I mean, what more am I supposed to want/do. I am where I think I should be at 30. Problem is, I don’t want anything to do with 30. 30 means “Grown Up” and frankly Im not buying the whole grown up thing just yet. I want to travel, move, buy more unnecessary things; I want to be selfish and not turn our “second bedroom” into a nursery… just yet (speaking of selfish, our second bedroom is actually just a really HUGE walk-in closet… just for me!).

I LOVE that my friends are having babies though, which means I get to awkwardly hold them for as long as I would like and then I get to give them back! When I was twelve I thought I was supposed to have three babies by 30 (thank goodness adults don’t listen to 12 year olds)… I am seriously surprised that Jamie and I have managed to keep our dog and cat alive for this long. That statement alone doesn’t sound very responsible and I am pretty sure if child services were reading this blog (which I am actually pretty certain they are) I would probably be forbidden to have children right now. Plus Xander is definitely still not old enough to babysit, I mean, who poops on the floor when getting their nails done. God he really needs to grow up.


“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... WOW! What a ride!”

It's my Birthday Betch!

I can not claim the post below. I snagged it from one of my favorite blog sites : betcheslovethissite
Either way, I thought it to be so fitting for this weekends birthday festivities! And however way you want to swing it, I think we all have a little betch in us. And if you dont, you at least wish you did ;)

4. Birthdays

Ask any betch what her favorite day of the year is, and she’ll for sure say, “My birthday, obvs!” Birthdays are a chance for betches to dress way nicer than everyone else, celebrate the fact that they’re still young and hot, and host a big party for all their friends! Every betch knows that the birthday pregame is always wayyyyy better than the birthday party itself, and you’re only as betchy as the number of people who refuse to respond to your Facebook invite because you didn’t respond to theirs. Awaiting reply? See ya there! Maybe attending? Hmm… Go fuck yourself.

First comes the matter of how to word the Facebook birthday invitation. It has to be somewhat clever, so people think you’re funny, but not too clever that it seems like you actually put any effort into it. Always appoint two or more of your best betches as admins, and make sure one of them invites the bro you like so he doesn’t think you actually want him there. Betches never look desperate. And of course, tell your besties to come at least a half hour early so it looks like you have tons of friends when your outer circle betches arrive (also extra time to #1 talk shit!).

Birthdays are also a great time to ask your parents for random shit, not that they don’t usually give you random shit anyway. While the rest of the world gets a day, a betch’s birthday can last almost an entire week. A birthday pregame might be enough for some, but betches prefer to have a birthday brunch, birthday dinner, birthday party, sometimes even a birthday vacation (at least on the big years, like 10, 12, 13, 16, 18, 21, 25, and every subsequent age ending in 0 or 5). These events can go on for days, weeks, months… until it’s time for the next betch’s birthday! Last but not least, it’s important to mention that proper betch etiquette dictates that betches never exchange actual birthday gifts. No, gifts are meant to come from mommy and daddy, so all the other betches just chip in and buy alcohol for the birthday betch at every celebratory event. Happy birthday betches!

mac an cheese

From: Jamie Vigliotta
Sent: Tuesday, July 19, 2011 9:22 AM
To: Koay, Rai
Subject: Wasssssup!

Holy crap... I don’t’ know where to begin.

It’s been 5 days since I last contacted you over Lake Michigan. There’s a reason for that, apparently when you’re shot down by Russian fighter jets and your helicopter lands in the water, your phone doesn’t work anymore. Who knew? I hope you are well and that you are NOT with an Arabian prince. Trust me, I’ve met some of them, they’re dbags fo sho. I’m off topic. So, I’m contacting you now from work (finally back!), I don’t’ know where to start, should I tell you about the laundry mat that was actually a front for a Peruvian Meth lab whose profits were funding Fermex while poisoning the youth of Peru? Should I tell you about the 3 days I spent in the Siberian tundra, eating meat again for the first time in years just to keep my energy level up enough to not die... Poor Caribou : ( Or should I tell you about the night in Dubai’s Nad Al Sheba Racecourse where I won over a million dollars of Fermex’s funding money in a high stakes game of pin the tail on the donkey? All I know is the Cypher is safe now and I’m back at work, I don’t have the energy to explain it all right now, I have to file some web ranking reports for work.... I’ve missed you these past five days, there were moments when I thought I’d never see you again. It was awful.
Anywho...

Mac an cheese tonight?

Love you baby!


From: Koay, Rai
Sent: Tuesday, July 19, 2011 9:43 AM
To: Jamie Vigliotta
Subject: Re: Wasssssup!

Who is this?



From: Koay, Rai
Sent: Tuesday, July 19, 2011 9:59 AM
To: Jamie Vigliotta
Subject: Re: Re: Wasssssup!

Also,
What I forgot to tell you was…
Since you’ve been gone…
(true stories)
I have managed to take my car and wreck it into your car.
I’ve let every single one of our plants die.
Xander has eaten my Armani seeing eye glasses.
I couldn’t see for what felt like months (come to find out, it was just 2 days)
I’ve eaten everything in the house, with the exception of the moldy light wheat bread; I’ve kept it for sentimental reasons. We used to eat that bread together.
Remember, remember eating that bread?? We used it as buns because I refuse to buy actual buns and when it starts to go bad we toast it, because once bad bread is toasted its good bread again.
Ive also been waking up with my underwear on backwards. I just don’t get it, at what point in the middle of the night am I in a situation where I would take off my undergarments and turn them around?
See its reasons like these that you need to come back home to me.
I’ve missed you Hero, I’ve missed you.

he wins this round

Thing 4: Love and Laughter trumps all.
Even Gucci bags and Jimmy Choo’s (but not by much)





This is an exchange of emails between Jamie and I early this morning, this is an example of why I am so rich in love and blessed in my relationship. Also, that I really need to step up my game when sending my good morning one liners to my fiancé.


From: Koay, Rai
Sent: Thursday, July 14, 2011 8:51 AM
To: Jamie Vigliotta
Subject: So today already...

I was pelted in the face by a huge beetle, scared the crap out of me and I screamed just like a girl would getting hit by a beetle in the face in front of everyone.

And its only 8:50am!

How is your morning??


From: Jamie Vigliotta
Sent: Thursday, July 14, 2011 9:03 AM
To: Koay, Rai
Subject: Re: So today already...

Did it give you a black eye? That’d make for a hell of a story (not that it isn’t already!).

My morning was pretty uneventful, compared to yours.

When I walked out the door this morning a man came parachuting out of the sky and landed on our front lawn. He was covered in blood, looked like he’d been shot. He was hurt bad, I helped him stand and then he whispered in my ear, “Don’t let Fermex gain control of the cypher”. Then he handed me a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket (also covered in blood). Then he died.

Just then bullets whizzed by my head! I had to duck and run behind our house for cover, but I had dropped the paper on the lawn. A black van screeched to stop right in front of our house and all these heavily armored guys got out with sub-machine guns pointed at me and started shooting, I had to run back while they were shooting at me to grab the paper on the ground next to the dead guy. When I picked it up I saw grenades attached to his belt, I grabbed one, pulled the pin and lobbed it at the van, it exploded on contact taking out all the guys shooting at me. I grabbed more weapons from the dead guy and stole one of our neighbors car (They’d most likely be looking for ours and I didn’t want it to get messed up if I got into a car chase, which inevitably I would). So I just start driving, anywhere. I looked at the paper and it’s this complex set of symbols, right when I look at it all this information floods my brain like it unlocked something up there. At that moment, I knew what the cypher was.

I had to get to Istanbul and I had to get there fast. I cant explain why, I’m flying a helicopter over Lake Michigan right now, (I have my work email on my phone).

I love you, I’ll keep you updated.


From: Koay, Rai
Sent: Thursday, July 14, 2011 9:13 AM
To: Jamie Vigliotta
Subject: RE: So today already...

Please fly safe! I love you too, never forget that!

Why do I feel like I am yelling this? I am not even using caps; my adrenaline is just at a peak level right now!

I need you to listen to me… DO NOT COME HOME UNTIL YOU SOLVE THE CYPHER.

Do not be alarmed if when you return from Istanbul our house is bigger and my car is nicer and I am married to an Arabian Prince. It’s just something I have to do.

Im sure you understand. What you are doing right now is bigger than us, I understand that. I am a proud woman right now; you are so courageous baby, so unbelievably courageous.

Love always…